NEW YEAR!

New Year's Eve, 2014, 1st January. 

What am I doing? You've guessed it, blogging! Yes, I spent my day at home; gaming, watching movies, doing my assignment and well, eating. I know it's a night to be spent outside and trust me, I would LOVE too. I'd make use of my two remaining upcoming years to spend it outside before I'm bound to work, I promise. Hahaha. Let me just be the good girl for the last time this year. 

So, what's so special about a new year? It's just another year, another day, same old routine, same faces. Maybe not. Perhaps new challenges, new faces, and new tasks? I guess it depends on how each individual takes it. Do you feel reluctant to bid farewell to 2013? I don't. Memories were made, goodbyes were said, tears were shed but most importantly, lessons are learnt and we had our smiles and laughters. I might have things I did not fulfill but I will not regret it because I still have next year, and next year and next year. You don't get to have things go your way all the time; there might be traffic jams and what you want gets stuck there till…well next time maybe. 

Ah ah…2013. What can I say about it? I took my SPM results and it sucks, it does but I made it to Singapore and is currently pursuing what I want. Yes, my family did had a very difficult time about me going overseas to study, mostly financial issue but thank God, thank God a million time because I could still make it there. It was very hard at first, being there alone, parting with my family, no home cooked meals but, God gave me the strength to move on! I love you God. 

The loneliness gets to me sometimes, and during difficult times, I cried my heart out alone without anyone. I still regained my strength, picked myself up and moved on. 

Okay okay, I'm cutting it short. 

In the last month of 2013, God gave me yet another person to rely on. Who would've guessed a simple meet up could lead to something more? And who would've guessed I had the balls to ask him out for a movie where things started? I'm glad I have him now. I love him (: And, first day of new year is also our anniversary. Hehe. 

So my resolutions? Work harder, give my best, learn to love better, forgive and forget, keep myself sane and most importantly, keep having faith in God. 

Two, not One.

When your past keeps coming back to haunt you, do you have a place to run to? 

Is running away even an option? Because I don't know how to face them. 

I sometimes shed tears without any solid reasons, just the heaviness in my heart. I take small things seriously and today, I don't feel appreciated or loved for what I did. How do you feel when you know your effort has gone to waste? When you do something for someone, and it isn't appreciated, your heart sinks. Maybe I shouldn't care so much. In the end, I'd get myself covered in bruises. But how do I not care? How do things work when they require two persons' effort but only one is giving? They don't, they'll just fall apart. 

But this is only the beginning…nothing's easy. I can't act fine for now, but I will be fine. I only hope I don't have to do this alone. 

Hope it helps, even a little (:

To the one I don't know how to help…

At this moment, I wish I could be there to hear you out and give you a hug but I'm 10hours bus ride away. Although I really really want to know what made you so moody, I won't pester you to tell me. But know that no matter what happens or what it is that's bothering you now, you can always talk to me; I'll always be here, ready to listen. 

I'm bad in cheering people up. I do hope this could at least make you feel slightly better. You know you don't have to keep everything to yourself, you have me :D 

My adorable pup, don't let negative things get in your way. You can be moody for awhile, but shake it off after that, okay? 

P/s; I look stupid, but I allow you to laugh at it. If it makes you at least smile, I don't mind. CHEER UP! I love youuuu. 

Another p/s; taken some time ago. Hehe. 

22 days

The time now is 4:01am. I'm still wide awake even though my body is screaming in exhaustion from the lack of rest and too much walking. Reason? My mind is replaying the moments I spent with him, from the day I asked him out for a movie till yesterday, when he kissed me on my forehead, and hold me like how I want him too. I like how he's taking things slow, although I know mostly it's because he's shy. 

I still feel new to this whole thing; I've never been kissed on my forehead by a guy, and I've never had someone feeling reluctant to let me leave aside from my family. Honestly, I didn't want to leave as well. If I could spend my whole night with him even if there is nothing to do, I would. I'm already missing him so I wonder how I'm going to survive for two weeks without seeing him. Distance makes the heart grows fonder, they say. I couldn't agree more. 

Right now, I don't really want to know how's my future with him, or if I have the chance to share it with him. I only know that I want to savor and cherish the moments that we have now. I want to remember every single thing we did and the places we went. I'm still learning to love, and I hope I can love him better as time passes. 

"Her"

She silently asks, "Dear God, if there's one thing that I could ask for, can I ask for you to erase my memory and allow me to start all over? Even if it means forgetting the people I love most…"

She doesn't mean to hurt anybody, she has no intentions to do so. Sometimes, she's just a little careless in doing things. But after all, she's still an adolescent, she's still learning her responsibilities. Deep inside, she's deprived of something; family unity, I suppose. No, her childhood was both pleasant and bitter at the same time. She had a loving dad who'd buy her toys and things, loving parents whom not only loved her but loved each other. But there were things that scarred her childhood; things a 5-year-old should not ever witness, things that make her fearful of her future and caused her insecurity and from then on, she built a barrier around herself. As time goes by, the barrier grows and she trusts less in people. She keeps things within herself because others would not understand. 

She tried to stay positive, she's still trying. She believes in God, but she's slowly fading. How long can she keep herself sane? How long can she hold herself together? Will there be an end to all these things that are happening around her? Can she do anything? She's on the verge of giving up…but she has too much to leave behind…