01/12

Hi my love ❤️ It's the 1st of December 2014 already. One year passed by so fast. I still remember how it felt like when you asked me to be with you a year ago. I was really really happy and excited back then, because you finally asked. Those feelings of when we were just together are different from now; nervousness, shy, not yet so comfortable with each other but now we're so comfortable we even fart around each other. 😁🙈 I love the time we spent together when we were just friends, how you always keep me suspended about your stories and how we waited for each other every day to go leveling together in Cabal. 

You asked if I wanted to meet up with you, I'm really glad I agreed to it because if I didn't, there wouldn't be 'us' today. I swear I was really nervous that day; nervous about your first impression of me and if we will have anything to talk about. Surprisingly, we clicked quite well and we just talked and laughed. You were such a gentleman to have paid for our lunch and even took the same train with me, even though you could've went for the shorter route to go home. From that day onwards , we grew closer to each other, as friends, up until when I asked you out for a movie. On that night itself, you confessed that you were growing fond of me 🙈. Honestly, I liked your choice of words. I'm not sure if you were just too shy to pop the question, or if you just wanted to wait till 1st Dec but, thank you having the courage. 

I wouldn't forget our first date. I wish we had taken a photo together but I guess both of us were too shy. I had butterflies flying in my stomach that night. The moment you offered to hold my hand, I was beyond happy. You held it tight, so tight that from then on, I knew you wouldn't let me go. I guess I was really overwhelmed that I even boarded the wrong train home. 😅 

Our fourth date was to celebrate our 1 month and you brought me to Clarke Quay. Your plan was to bring me to dinner and then have a stroll there, since it's quite a beautiful place but it rained so heavily that we had to change our plan. So, we went to watch Paranormal Activity at The Cathay instead. After that, I thought we were going home as it was pretty late but you took me for a walk. We sat down, near the 'istana' place at DG; we talked, you had your arms around me, then you told me to close my eyes and that was when you gave me the necklace. That night was also when you first kissed me, on my lips. ❤️😚 Besides this, I loved it most at the time when you turned me around and kissed my forehead before I we went off. 

We have so many memories that I can't list them all down here. I'm thankful and blessed to have you, as the one who loves me, and will love me. You have been taking good care of me, making sure I eat and not fall sick. Not all of our memories shared together are joyful ones but I guess they made us stronger, and more attached to each other. Thank you for staying and being there for me, thank you for the surprises you gave. Thank you for loving me, and for everything else. 

I love you, Lim Wei Rong. 😚 Happy one year anniversary. ❤️❤️❤️ 

For you…

I'm going to maybe just dedicate this post to a special someone who holds a special position in my heart, one that no one else can replace. 

For the past few days, I have been down with gastroenteritis(inflammation/infection of the guts due to virus/bacteria) and I haven't fully recover yet at the moment but I am much better compared to previous days. If it wasn't for you and your parents, I wouldn't have recovered. Most of the time I'm alone at home and I have nobody to look after me but I have you now, and I'm very very thankful for that. 

You shower me with love and care all the time, even more when I'm sick. When my cough didn't recover and I had to go for an X-ray, you accompanied me. You went to the doctor with me, because I didn't want to go alone. This time, you had me stay over at your place just so you can look after me. Trust me, I really wish I could stay with you because your presence makes me feel safe and not alone. You made milo for me, prepared medicine, get water, and rub oilment on my tummy for me and when I threw up, you were there trying to comfort me. All these make me feel deeply loved by you.  

You pamper me most of the time, if not all the time. I wanted you here on my birthday and spend the day with me, you did despite it being Father's Day as well. I like it when you come over unannounced, like the last time you came with unagi and a bottle of sparkling and then cooked dinner while I was sleeping like a log. I like going to sleep while hugging you, and waking up next to you. It makes the day better, brighter. I love it most when you make me feel like I'm a baby. 

It's your turn to fall sick now and I wish I could look after you because it's probably my fault. I'm so sorry ;( It's making me worried about you, thinking who's going to do cold compress for you if your temperature goes high. Why can't I be there for you like how you did for me? Please recover fast. 

And my dear, I love you, so much. Thank you for everything :* 

Life lessons

The things that I have learnt in my 19 years of life;

1. Memories will always be a part of us
Sweet or bitter, when something occurs and the impact on us is strong, it will stay in our memory (possibly for life) unless we encounter any accident which wipes our memory clear. Often the memories that stay are the bitter ones, and sometimes they happen during our childhood. So there, a scarred childhood. But memories play an important part in our life; they remind us of the bad things that we do not want to repeat and also the sweet ones brighten our life. Memories are precious. The effect they have on us, is up to us to decide.

2. Nothing is perfect, nothing
Life, family, studies, relationships, work, etc. None of those are perfect, so are many other things. Family, it can be a happy one but problems will always stick around and if we can't handle those problems as a family (a whole) then it will slowly fall apart and the same problem will be brought up the next time another one hits. Studies? No, never perfect, at least not to me. And life? It can never be perfect because in life, that is where you have your family, studies and every other things. On the brighter side, its good that they are not perfect because only then we will have room for improvement, and also we get to learn from our mistakes.

3. Things don't always go your way
Yeah, you might have planned something out so 'perfectly' and waiting for it to happen and 'BOOM', plan ruined! Plans get ruined because sometimes, we can't foresee any obstacles and that is perfectly fine because what's life without surprises? You'll just have to take it and learn to improvise your plans and maybe make better, smarter ones next time.

4. Things are easier said than done
A very common example is New Year's resolutions. I mean, c'mon! How many of us do actually fulfill our resolutions? Maybe one or two, but never all. Most of the things, we say them easily but to actually do them, its hard. It does not have to be something big. It can be something as minor as telling a person you will be there early for a meeting or a date next time but then again, you are late. It is like making empty promises but we are not, we are just not doing the things that we said we will do.

5. Words are important
Words, words, words and words. Words are powerful, each word has their own meaning and at times, words can be hurtful. We have control over what we say but at times, our emotions take over and we lose that control. Words come speeding out when we are in anger and by the time we sit and reflect on what we said, its probably too late because those words, have already hurt someone and sometimes, it takes more than an apology to fix things. It takes time. On the other hand, words can be affirmative. They can be assuring and warming. I personally prefer to hear words of assurance especially from my loved ones. Something as simple as 'thank you for the things you've done' shows that we really appreciate what that person did for us. It does not even require a gift to show appreciation or love. Words, if we choose them carefully and rationally, they would be beautiful to hear, or read.

6. Backstabbers 
Backstabbers are. . .ugly. They are the ones who put on that mask that coax you into believing that they are fond of you and then the next moment, insulting you behind your back. They are the ones who will not help you when you are in trouble, but purposely make matters worse for you. We can't trust people completely, and when I say people, it includes our own family members. Scary, isn't it? The thought of not being able to even trust your own family, what more when it comes to trusting strangers.  Even your own family members can be backstabbers. This is one of the many signs of an unhealthy family. What I mean by this is that they don't bring problems to the table and solve them together, instead they talk about them to someone else. For example, person A in the family is unhappy about person B in the same family. Person A does not open up the problems and solve them, instead he/she complains to another person and pretends that everything is fine in front of person B. Others might perceive this differently, but to me, it is consider as backstabbing. Same goes to friends and colleagues and other people around us. Hence, do not give away your trust 100%.

These little things...

So many times in our life we allow little things to affect us and to ruin our days, yet so many times we remind ourselves not to let the same thing happen again. But how many times do we really do that? Or rather, how often CAN we not let these little things destroy us?

No, it is not an easy thing to do. In fact to me, its one of the hardest thing to do. How can you pretend that it does not hurt, it is not doing anything to you when honestly, its really doing all that. I guess I can put it in this way; someone isn't replying you but he's there and you think "Its ok that he's not replying. I don't care, its fine to me" but you check your phone again and again and then get yourself upset because its not fine to you. Uh-oh...I think I made it sound a little bit complicated, no? In another way to me, its like deceiving yourself into believing that these things do not affect you. (I don't even know what I'm trying to say now).

Sometimes I just could not get these little things off my mind although I know that I can choose to ignore them and not let them affect me. Most of the time, it does not only affect me. It affects the people around me; I tend to lose my temper or when I'm having a bad day, I vent it out on certain someone. Or I choose to ignore people, literally. (there's always one person whom I can't ignore, because I have soft spot for him). When these happen, I get upset at myself. There are reasons to why these little things affect me so much; sometimes its because I'm demanding for something and sometimes its because I don't feel the way that I should be feeling(I guess). I know its bad and I am trying to get rid of all these unnecessary little things or at least change the way I approach/receive them. Its VERY hard, especially when it comes to things regarding someone. But, I'll try.

There are things though, that I tell myself when these little things are ruining me. I'll remind myself to be patient and force myself into believing that I'm fine. Sometimes it works, sometimes. . .no.

And to the person whom I've been apologising to, thank you for being patient with me. Its just that sometimes, I want your attention.

Yet another dream

Some time ago I posted a blog post about dreams, and recently, just yesterday I had a rather weird dream; one that I never had before. I dreamed that I was dead. 

No…I did not go through walls or floated in the air but I was taken on a trip, in a lift. Each stop, I had to see how someone was murdered. I could not remember how, but I know it was brutal. The last stop, it was me. Well, I was not the only one in the lift. Someone was with me, he brought me there, and he was the murderer. I did not know that until the very last stop. 

Sounds like I made it up, right? And you must be wondering how the heck I remember what I dreamt. I do not know how either but I just can…although I don't remember tiny details but I remember what happened. I guess I mentioned that before, didn't I? So I did what some people would have done; googled for the meaning of my dream. Read a few and they all say the same thing; it could mean that it's time to let go of my past. Or that something, a new chapter of life is starting soon. It could be a possibility, I don't know. But dreaming that you're dead is not something pleasant, at least what I dreamed was not pleasant at all. It was cold and cruel. It's still stuck in my mind. I honestly hope it's nothing but just a dream…