These little things...

So many times in our life we allow little things to affect us and to ruin our days, yet so many times we remind ourselves not to let the same thing happen again. But how many times do we really do that? Or rather, how often CAN we not let these little things destroy us?

No, it is not an easy thing to do. In fact to me, its one of the hardest thing to do. How can you pretend that it does not hurt, it is not doing anything to you when honestly, its really doing all that. I guess I can put it in this way; someone isn't replying you but he's there and you think "Its ok that he's not replying. I don't care, its fine to me" but you check your phone again and again and then get yourself upset because its not fine to you. Uh-oh...I think I made it sound a little bit complicated, no? In another way to me, its like deceiving yourself into believing that these things do not affect you. (I don't even know what I'm trying to say now).

Sometimes I just could not get these little things off my mind although I know that I can choose to ignore them and not let them affect me. Most of the time, it does not only affect me. It affects the people around me; I tend to lose my temper or when I'm having a bad day, I vent it out on certain someone. Or I choose to ignore people, literally. (there's always one person whom I can't ignore, because I have soft spot for him). When these happen, I get upset at myself. There are reasons to why these little things affect me so much; sometimes its because I'm demanding for something and sometimes its because I don't feel the way that I should be feeling(I guess). I know its bad and I am trying to get rid of all these unnecessary little things or at least change the way I approach/receive them. Its VERY hard, especially when it comes to things regarding someone. But, I'll try.

There are things though, that I tell myself when these little things are ruining me. I'll remind myself to be patient and force myself into believing that I'm fine. Sometimes it works, sometimes. . .no.

And to the person whom I've been apologising to, thank you for being patient with me. Its just that sometimes, I want your attention.

Yet another dream

Some time ago I posted a blog post about dreams, and recently, just yesterday I had a rather weird dream; one that I never had before. I dreamed that I was dead. 

No…I did not go through walls or floated in the air but I was taken on a trip, in a lift. Each stop, I had to see how someone was murdered. I could not remember how, but I know it was brutal. The last stop, it was me. Well, I was not the only one in the lift. Someone was with me, he brought me there, and he was the murderer. I did not know that until the very last stop. 

Sounds like I made it up, right? And you must be wondering how the heck I remember what I dreamt. I do not know how either but I just can…although I don't remember tiny details but I remember what happened. I guess I mentioned that before, didn't I? So I did what some people would have done; googled for the meaning of my dream. Read a few and they all say the same thing; it could mean that it's time to let go of my past. Or that something, a new chapter of life is starting soon. It could be a possibility, I don't know. But dreaming that you're dead is not something pleasant, at least what I dreamed was not pleasant at all. It was cold and cruel. It's still stuck in my mind. I honestly hope it's nothing but just a dream…