Our Evil Twin

Sometimes I wonder, is the really an evil side of us in within? If yes, will we one day lose control and accidentally allow the evil us to unleash itself? What will happen then?

This question has been on my mind for some time and after watching a Singaporean drama entitled 'Beyond', I'm certain that each of us has a hidden side which sometimes we don't even realize. It can be gruesome, fearful and pure evil. Or can one really be 100% pure and holy? I'm sure that every one of us has sinned and did something which we regret. The devil is within us; if we choose to unleash it, only will it take over. We're constantly at war with ourself because we are our own worst enemy. Every single thought is from our mind; the voices that we hear, the decision that we make.

Hence, it is important that we suppress our evil self and have faith in God. Personally, I think that jealousy, lust, desires for certain things, hatred and all negative feelings and thoughts are what create the evil twin. They don't only hurt others, they destroy ourself. For example, being angry at someone requires a huge amount of energy. So why waste your energy on hating someone when you could conserve it for better use? For us to do that, we have to learn how to forgive. It is hard, I don't deny that but we can learn. It's not necessary that one has to forget, but it's always the best option to forgive.

I'm not perfect myself; I have flaws and yes I have anger, jealousy and sometimes lust as well. But I'm willing to control all these negative energy just so I'm able to lock my inner monster.

Till Love Finds Me

What are we without love?

There are so many things in this world that we do not understand and probably never will. Will we ever find the one that was made for us for God had made us in pairs? How long does it take? This reminds me of a book I read entitled 'Where Rainbows End'. Both the man and the woman in the story were meant to be with each other but they only got together when they were aged 50+.

See, love is a strange thing. When you're with someone, you have to know when to let loose your string and when to hold it tight. When it's there, you'll feel it. Sometimes, you may think its fooling with you because your heart gets shattered again and again. But somehow, love will one day manage to mend your broken heart.

I'm still waiting for mine. Till then, my heart will always be sealed in this…ice barrier. Maybe one day, he'll be mine. Just some day…

Bad Omens.

I have no idea why I'm not excited for tomorrow night. I mean, I am excited but just not as much. I have bad feelings though. As though something bad is bound to happen, I hope not.

But something terrible did happen today. A tiny tornado, as what my neighbors said passed by our neighborhood and destroyed some of our roof tiles. They were blown away and I swear it was the scariest moment so far in my life. I thought it was just a strong wind but no! It lasted for few minutes and then we heard sounds like glass breaking and goodness, I thought we're gone. I'm not gonna lie, I was really scared.

Sigh. I really don't feel good with all the things that had happened for the past months. I'm worried, for my mom and sisters. The neighborhood ain't that safe and recently there are two suspicious Malay guys spying around here. I really really really don't feel good. Oh God, I don't want anything to happen. I don't know if its just me being paranoid or my sixth sense is telling me something. I need to stay calm.

Abandoned

I'm pissed. Not exactly very angry, more like hurt. I feel 'abandoned'. The two people who once told me that they'd be there for me no matter what, are currently very 'busy' it seems.

My weakness; trusting one so easily. He has never, not replied my texts. Okay I get it that they both have a girlfriend but I still can't help it. You have time for your girlfriend but not your friend?

I think I sounded like a very pampered girl. Probably. Because the both of them are like my elder brothers. They'd listen to me whine about stuffs and my relationships. They're like my love doctors. And now the both of them disappeared somewhere!
SIGH!

Fantasy & Reality

Salve! (: It means 'Hi' in Italian.
Recently, I've read a book in Wattpad entitled 'The Italian Billionaire's Lover' which caught me in a fantasy.
Admit it, who wouldn't want a man who is rich, good looking, kind hearted, family loving, smart and so on ? Every girl dreams of having a man like that, so do I. But fantasy stays unreal, whereas reality is the truth. Yes, the story got me hyped up about Italian language because I find it beautiful! Learning a new language does one no harm, si? (:

Anyway, December has been pretty good so far. The days are of course tiring with undang classes and spending time with friends. My wish of 'hibernating' after SPM can never be fulfilled. We went on roaming the streets of Ipoh Old Town on Sunday. The sun was blazing although it was only 10+ in the morning. However, we got some pretty amazing photos and yea, some quality time together. I'd do it all over again.

It's pretty funny sometimes how we seek closure even to a person whom we just met and know, just because he's the only person there you know. Maybe it's just our nature to do so (:

Arrivederci!