These little things...

So many times in our life we allow little things to affect us and to ruin our days, yet so many times we remind ourselves not to let the same thing happen again. But how many times do we really do that? Or rather, how often CAN we not let these little things destroy us?

No, it is not an easy thing to do. In fact to me, its one of the hardest thing to do. How can you pretend that it does not hurt, it is not doing anything to you when honestly, its really doing all that. I guess I can put it in this way; someone isn't replying you but he's there and you think "Its ok that he's not replying. I don't care, its fine to me" but you check your phone again and again and then get yourself upset because its not fine to you. Uh-oh...I think I made it sound a little bit complicated, no? In another way to me, its like deceiving yourself into believing that these things do not affect you. (I don't even know what I'm trying to say now).

Sometimes I just could not get these little things off my mind although I know that I can choose to ignore them and not let them affect me. Most of the time, it does not only affect me. It affects the people around me; I tend to lose my temper or when I'm having a bad day, I vent it out on certain someone. Or I choose to ignore people, literally. (there's always one person whom I can't ignore, because I have soft spot for him). When these happen, I get upset at myself. There are reasons to why these little things affect me so much; sometimes its because I'm demanding for something and sometimes its because I don't feel the way that I should be feeling(I guess). I know its bad and I am trying to get rid of all these unnecessary little things or at least change the way I approach/receive them. Its VERY hard, especially when it comes to things regarding someone. But, I'll try.

There are things though, that I tell myself when these little things are ruining me. I'll remind myself to be patient and force myself into believing that I'm fine. Sometimes it works, sometimes. . .no.

And to the person whom I've been apologising to, thank you for being patient with me. Its just that sometimes, I want your attention.

Yet another dream

Some time ago I posted a blog post about dreams, and recently, just yesterday I had a rather weird dream; one that I never had before. I dreamed that I was dead. 

No…I did not go through walls or floated in the air but I was taken on a trip, in a lift. Each stop, I had to see how someone was murdered. I could not remember how, but I know it was brutal. The last stop, it was me. Well, I was not the only one in the lift. Someone was with me, he brought me there, and he was the murderer. I did not know that until the very last stop. 

Sounds like I made it up, right? And you must be wondering how the heck I remember what I dreamt. I do not know how either but I just can…although I don't remember tiny details but I remember what happened. I guess I mentioned that before, didn't I? So I did what some people would have done; googled for the meaning of my dream. Read a few and they all say the same thing; it could mean that it's time to let go of my past. Or that something, a new chapter of life is starting soon. It could be a possibility, I don't know. But dreaming that you're dead is not something pleasant, at least what I dreamed was not pleasant at all. It was cold and cruel. It's still stuck in my mind. I honestly hope it's nothing but just a dream…

NEW YEAR!

New Year's Eve, 2014, 1st January. 

What am I doing? You've guessed it, blogging! Yes, I spent my day at home; gaming, watching movies, doing my assignment and well, eating. I know it's a night to be spent outside and trust me, I would LOVE too. I'd make use of my two remaining upcoming years to spend it outside before I'm bound to work, I promise. Hahaha. Let me just be the good girl for the last time this year. 

So, what's so special about a new year? It's just another year, another day, same old routine, same faces. Maybe not. Perhaps new challenges, new faces, and new tasks? I guess it depends on how each individual takes it. Do you feel reluctant to bid farewell to 2013? I don't. Memories were made, goodbyes were said, tears were shed but most importantly, lessons are learnt and we had our smiles and laughters. I might have things I did not fulfill but I will not regret it because I still have next year, and next year and next year. You don't get to have things go your way all the time; there might be traffic jams and what you want gets stuck there till…well next time maybe. 

Ah ah…2013. What can I say about it? I took my SPM results and it sucks, it does but I made it to Singapore and is currently pursuing what I want. Yes, my family did had a very difficult time about me going overseas to study, mostly financial issue but thank God, thank God a million time because I could still make it there. It was very hard at first, being there alone, parting with my family, no home cooked meals but, God gave me the strength to move on! I love you God. 

The loneliness gets to me sometimes, and during difficult times, I cried my heart out alone without anyone. I still regained my strength, picked myself up and moved on. 

Okay okay, I'm cutting it short. 

In the last month of 2013, God gave me yet another person to rely on. Who would've guessed a simple meet up could lead to something more? And who would've guessed I had the balls to ask him out for a movie where things started? I'm glad I have him now. I love him (: And, first day of new year is also our anniversary. Hehe. 

So my resolutions? Work harder, give my best, learn to love better, forgive and forget, keep myself sane and most importantly, keep having faith in God. 

Two, not One.

When your past keeps coming back to haunt you, do you have a place to run to? 

Is running away even an option? Because I don't know how to face them. 

I sometimes shed tears without any solid reasons, just the heaviness in my heart. I take small things seriously and today, I don't feel appreciated or loved for what I did. How do you feel when you know your effort has gone to waste? When you do something for someone, and it isn't appreciated, your heart sinks. Maybe I shouldn't care so much. In the end, I'd get myself covered in bruises. But how do I not care? How do things work when they require two persons' effort but only one is giving? They don't, they'll just fall apart. 

But this is only the beginning…nothing's easy. I can't act fine for now, but I will be fine. I only hope I don't have to do this alone. 

Hope it helps, even a little (:

To the one I don't know how to help…

At this moment, I wish I could be there to hear you out and give you a hug but I'm 10hours bus ride away. Although I really really want to know what made you so moody, I won't pester you to tell me. But know that no matter what happens or what it is that's bothering you now, you can always talk to me; I'll always be here, ready to listen. 

I'm bad in cheering people up. I do hope this could at least make you feel slightly better. You know you don't have to keep everything to yourself, you have me :D 

My adorable pup, don't let negative things get in your way. You can be moody for awhile, but shake it off after that, okay? 

P/s; I look stupid, but I allow you to laugh at it. If it makes you at least smile, I don't mind. CHEER UP! I love youuuu. 

Another p/s; taken some time ago. Hehe.