Words are never easy to be spoken. We often have so much in our mind, but do we express them verbally that often? I personally have difficulty expressing my feelings verbally because I'll either break down and cry or I couldn't find the right words. Hence, blogging is one of my ways of expressing.
Have you ever want something so much but when you're doing it, it's killing you slowly? I hate being away from home. I hate being away from the people I've always been together with. It makes me feel lonely and home sick and vulnerable. Then I started thinking, I should just stop creating close bonds with people because one day I might have to leave again and that feeling of being apart from someone close, it sucks. I never bid goodbye to any of them who are close to me when I left because goodbyes suck.
Now I'm alone out here, far away from my family and friends, it makes things so difficult sometimes. I miss my mom, my sisters, my cats. I miss eating my mom's food and even my own bedroom and shower. The truth is, I'm that kind of person who needs to stay close to home but I'm doing the exact opposite of it. Everyday I force positive thoughts into my mind; I'm here chasing my dreams, I'm gonna make life easier for my family, I'm gonna be fine and its just three years. I force myself to not think of how much I miss home, I'm not allowing a single tear drops and I'm trying to get rid of this loneliness in me.
Some of you may think, "Oh how great it is and how lucky you are to get an opportunity to study overseas" and "Imagine all the things you could do when you're away from home". Yes, it is indeed a great opportunity and yes you're free from those rules and stuffs but for me, I'd rather have my family here. It's a huge change in life for me after eighteen years of being home, sleeping in the same room living in the same house and my routines are totally different now. I don't get to watch any more TVB dramas here, I don't get to eat home-cooked food. Heck, I don't even get to have breakfast. And, I miss my cats so badly I just wanna hug them.
It's just the first week and I'm already in this state. God please give me strength to go through all of these. Please guide me through. I can't do this on my own. I don't have that strength to get past all these alone.
Being away from home is never a pleasant thing. . . . . .
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