Dreams to sell?

"If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?" - Thomas Lovell Beddoes 

If there were dreams to sell, I'd buy those I desire; a happy home, happy world, a good man to love and a good man who loves me, a successful career, an easy life and many more. But dreams are only dreams until we turn them into reality. 

However, there are dreams I'd never want them to be real. I had one of the weirdest dreams yesterday night; I was stuck in a castle! The castle was so huge and it was like a maze in there. I did not know where I was, probably in a dungeon because there were chains and metal bars and that place was dark. I was in there, trying to find my way out and I was hoping someone would come. Nobody did, it was like a deserted castle. 

They often say dreams have their own meanings. I guess the dream I had was probably trying to tell me that I am stuck with some things in life. Some problems maybe, I don't know. All I know is that I have to find my way out because I don't want to die stuck there. 

There was another dream I had some time ago and I swear it had me waking up in the middle of the night. I was chased by a truck! No, the story didn't end there; it was a truck with only it's 'head' and nobody was driving it! I was running and running but it kept on chasing me. It failed to get me though, because I fell off a cliff and that was when I jolted awake. I was in fear because that dream felt so real but something even weirder happened after I was awake. I let myself slowly drift off to sleep but the image of the truck was still in my mind and that was when I heard a soft, soothing voice telling me to go back to sleep and everything was alright. Upon hearing that, I fell right asleep. WEIRD, HUH? 

No, I'm not making all these up but it's up to you to believe or not. Everybody has weird things happening in their life. Mine are just those dreams. :) People always say that we wouldn't remember what we dreamed but there are dreams I remember even when they occurred during my childhood. Memory issue, eh? 

Anyways, those are the dreams I wouldn't buy and I certainly do not want to relive them. Well, another piece of me revealed today! :) 

Foolish foolish and FOOLISH

At some point of my life, I wish I hadn't gone through so much; experiences from so many things like family, BGR, studies, etc. I wish I didn't make those decisions that I made or that I didn't choose the options that I chose. Some things I did, they are foolish. At the same time, they are good lessons to me but most of the time, they are nothing but painful memories. Sad to say, all these will stay forever in my life and remind me of the things I did and the things I went through.

What brings me to this post?

I started reading a story on Wattpad entitled 'Second Chance Romance' and I just read the most frustrating part of Chapter 8. From the very first kissed Jade shared with Olly, I was already thinking "Dammit you're making the wrong decision, woman!" and now she tells Olly that she is falling for him when her heart is really still with Austin. This part frustrates me because I've been through it; I know my heart is occupied but to help me move on(selfishly), I chose to hurt another person. I honestly wish Jade could just suppressed her NEEDS and leave poor Olly alone just like how I wish I had put aside my needs to be loved and held instead of hurting a poor fellow.

Experiences are good, but to me, if one experienced too much on the same matter, he/she will somehow lose confidence in that matter. Like love; you fail once, twice, thrice and so on, be it you get hurt or you hurt others, you will start to question yourself; "Do I really really really like this guy? What if I hurt him? I don't want to hurt him". This is actually how I'm feeling right now. I doubt I'll ever settle in a stable relationship. Ha Ha Ha! Maybe someone is still occupying that space in my heart or maybe I just don't have confidence in myself for truly loving another person. After all, I still have a long road ahead so I guess I should just dump this aside and focus on studies then focus on work. Yes, I'll probably become a workaholic.

Another small piece of my thought and my past revealed today. (;

I've witness a little more. . .

". . .to have a long life is one thing, but the quality of life is also one, which is more important. . ."

I admit I was eavesdropping a little bit but when he said that, I was in total agreement and I was like "hmmm. . .he knows what to think and what to say". The 'he' I've been mentioning is a doctor, a young house officer(HO).

My three weeks of attachment at Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) has opened my eyes to quite a number of things. One of them is that young, hot and handsome doctors do exist. Okay you can ignore that but its true. The HOs there are really good looking and even a few MOs(medical officer) and I swear they're really distracting. *blushes* C'mon, who wouldn't be attracted to them? They're like doctors  which means they're smart and they're really good looking. I was particularly attracted to one of the HOs but he was there only during my first week because they changed the team of doctors. :( Anyway, that's not really the main point of my whole attachment.

After working for 3 weeks in a hospital, I realised that I should be counting my blessings and be thankful to God for giving me such a wonderful life; that I'm not the one in a hospital bed, or any of my family members, thankful that none of us are suffering like some of the patients are. We will never NEVER know the pain they are going through, both the patient and the patient's family members. When it comes to nursing, people will think "Eeeeeuw you have to change diapers and wipe butts" this and that bla bla bla, its true that we do change diapers and wipe butts. I did doubt whether I could do that but surprisingly, I was happy that I could help my patients. I honestly don't mind serving them and when they say "Thank you", I know that they appreciate our help. They are actually really nice people; sometimes when we serve them their meals, they'll ask us if we had eaten and some even offer us food. They will also ask what time we work until and how are we coping with our attachment and studies. The patients know that we are students and we are slow in doing things but they did not complain yet some of them even guided us by giving us valuable advice. So you see, this is somehow a mutual thing - we care for them, they care for us. =)

This is actually what motivates me to go to work everyday for my 3 weeks(except the fact that I get to see handsome doctors). Being able to make them feel comfortable makes me happy. But at times when I see patients suffering, I feel sad for them. I remember telling my teacher how I feel about seriously ill patients. I told her that sometimes when I see them, I feel that its better for them to 'leave' because that way, they won't suffer anymore and like what the doctor said, the quality of life is important. But at the same time, it will also be hard for the family members to let go. And this is actually something we have to learn in life as well because one day, we will have to let someone go too. I hope that day will never come, but if it does, I'll probably have to courage to do so. As for now, I'm content with my life and I'm thankful that I've been given a chance to help others. If I could, I wish to fulfil my dream to be a doctor one day, so I could do more.

Anyway, here's a photo of the ten of us! :D Team Ward9C!