Foolish foolish and FOOLISH

At some point of my life, I wish I hadn't gone through so much; experiences from so many things like family, BGR, studies, etc. I wish I didn't make those decisions that I made or that I didn't choose the options that I chose. Some things I did, they are foolish. At the same time, they are good lessons to me but most of the time, they are nothing but painful memories. Sad to say, all these will stay forever in my life and remind me of the things I did and the things I went through.

What brings me to this post?

I started reading a story on Wattpad entitled 'Second Chance Romance' and I just read the most frustrating part of Chapter 8. From the very first kissed Jade shared with Olly, I was already thinking "Dammit you're making the wrong decision, woman!" and now she tells Olly that she is falling for him when her heart is really still with Austin. This part frustrates me because I've been through it; I know my heart is occupied but to help me move on(selfishly), I chose to hurt another person. I honestly wish Jade could just suppressed her NEEDS and leave poor Olly alone just like how I wish I had put aside my needs to be loved and held instead of hurting a poor fellow.

Experiences are good, but to me, if one experienced too much on the same matter, he/she will somehow lose confidence in that matter. Like love; you fail once, twice, thrice and so on, be it you get hurt or you hurt others, you will start to question yourself; "Do I really really really like this guy? What if I hurt him? I don't want to hurt him". This is actually how I'm feeling right now. I doubt I'll ever settle in a stable relationship. Ha Ha Ha! Maybe someone is still occupying that space in my heart or maybe I just don't have confidence in myself for truly loving another person. After all, I still have a long road ahead so I guess I should just dump this aside and focus on studies then focus on work. Yes, I'll probably become a workaholic.

Another small piece of my thought and my past revealed today. (;