Its not too hard to say 'I Love You'

". . . mama, I love you."

The last three words from a 17-year-old teenage girl who had lost her Mom to two cold-hearted robbers. 

Like I've tweeted, its heart-wrenching to know that such tragedy could happen, anywhere anytime even as I'm blogging now, somewhere in this world someone is dying. As I was reading her blog post, yes, tears started streaming down my face. Who wouldn't? This isn't some drama or movie but it really did happen. To some of you, this is only one of the millions and billions of cases happened but have you ever thought of how those who have lost her feel? No, we will NEVER understand how they feel unless we went through the same thing. This is also one of the thing that I've learned in my Nursing course; we will never know how our patients feel because we don't go through diagnosis like they do. Its just the same here. 

At one point of her post where she stated how the robbers stabbed her Mom, I wondered how can anyone actually be this brutal? Can you grab a knife and simply go stab someone on the streets? Can you steal a gun and just shoot someone in the head? Can you abduct a child and chop him up then sell his organs? I mean, NORMAL humans like you and me wouldn't even want to use a needle to purposely prick someone, right? Then you must be thinking that those murderers are ABNORMAL. Well, maybe they are or they're not but one thing for sure, they have something in them that drives them to act brutally. Whatever it is, the lives of the innocence  that they've taken, they will pay for them one day. When they finally come to their senses, they will suffer because they KNOW that their hands are STAINED with their BLOOD. They can never erase what they did nor can they return the lives of those they killed and when their time is here, they will suffer in hell. Hence, there is no need to cuss and jinx these murderers because God has in hands of what consequences they're going to face. 

Appreciation

This girl lost her mom before she could even re-pay her for all the things her mom had done for her. Her mom will not be there when she graduates or gets married or even have children. Have you ever wondered if she's feeling guilty because she did not value her chances when she had them? Maybe she does, because most of us don't often APPRECIATE those around us and we should really start doing that before everything is too late. 

How often do you tell your parents that you love them? Do you kiss them goodnight and bid them good morning? Do you hug them when you're home from school? Have your meals with them, watch movies and go shopping with them? 

I admit I'm one of those who rarely do all of these. Now I know, because I'm away from home and I miss them so so so so so much. It feels weird to wake up everyday and not seeing my Mom's face or hearing her voice. This house I'm staying in, its not a home. What's a house without a complete family in it - just a HOUSE. Sometimes I have this urge to just grab a ticket and fly home and I've only been here for three weeks. I'm starting to learn how to appreciate things and those whom we love. Heck, I even miss watching football with my Dad and saying that MU is going to win. Yet I still have the chances to do all these when I'm home but those who had lost their loved ones, they don't get to do what they used to do anymore. Hence, keep all these little things in heart because these are what create a family. And our appreciation and love are what tighten the bond. Tell your parents you love them, EVERYDAY, every minute every second, if you can. Thank them, even for the tiniest thing they do for you. Hug them because their hugs are the warmest, filled with love and care. 

Its not too late to start doing all these. . . . .

Of chasing dreams and missing home

Words are never easy to be spoken. We often have so much in our mind, but do we express them verbally that often? I personally have difficulty expressing my feelings verbally because I'll either break down and cry or I couldn't find the right words. Hence, blogging is one of my ways of expressing.

Have you ever want something so much but when you're doing it, it's killing you slowly? I hate being away from home. I hate being away from the people I've always been together with. It makes me feel lonely and home sick and vulnerable. Then I started thinking, I should just stop creating close bonds with people because one day I might have to leave again and that feeling of being apart from someone close, it sucks. I never bid goodbye to any of them who are close to me when I left because goodbyes suck.

Now I'm alone out here, far away from my family and friends, it makes things so difficult sometimes. I miss my mom, my sisters, my cats. I miss eating my mom's food and even my own bedroom and shower. The truth is, I'm that kind of person who needs to stay close to home but I'm doing the exact opposite of it. Everyday I force positive thoughts into my mind; I'm here chasing my dreams, I'm gonna make life easier for my family, I'm gonna be fine and its just three years. I force myself to not think of how much I miss home, I'm not allowing a single tear drops and I'm trying to get rid of this loneliness in me.

Some of you may think, "Oh how great it is and how lucky you are to get an opportunity to study overseas" and "Imagine all the things you could do when you're away from home". Yes, it is indeed a great opportunity and yes you're free from those rules and stuffs but for me, I'd rather have my family here. It's a huge change in life for me after eighteen years of being home, sleeping in the same room living in the same house and my routines are totally different now. I don't get to watch any more TVB dramas here, I don't get to eat home-cooked food. Heck, I don't even get to have breakfast. And, I miss my cats so badly I just wanna hug them.

It's just the first week and I'm already in this state. God please give me strength to go through all of these. Please guide me through. I can't do this on my own. I don't have that strength to get past all these alone.


Being away from home is never a pleasant thing. . . . . .

Between lies and truths

He's bad, you know he is
It's wrong, you know you shouldn't be doing it
But he's a friend
And he's flirting too much, what should you do?


How can one differentiate between lies and truths sometimes? You have person A telling you another story that person B told, but person B told you a different story. Maybe person B ain't that good after all. Maybe he just wants you that's why he lied to you thinking you don't know the truth behind it.

Lies and truths, they are rather confusing. Some think that lying for good reasons doesn't harm. Some lie because they want something or are escaping something. Either way, lies suck. They sometimes hurt more than the truth itself. Would you want someone to lie to you saying that your, lets say, boyfriend is still alive and is somewhere far when he's actually dead? What I mean is, the truth will always be revealed. Nobody can hide something forever. They can never leave pass the guilt. In the end, the truth is still the best answer.

Our Evil Twin

Sometimes I wonder, is the really an evil side of us in within? If yes, will we one day lose control and accidentally allow the evil us to unleash itself? What will happen then?

This question has been on my mind for some time and after watching a Singaporean drama entitled 'Beyond', I'm certain that each of us has a hidden side which sometimes we don't even realize. It can be gruesome, fearful and pure evil. Or can one really be 100% pure and holy? I'm sure that every one of us has sinned and did something which we regret. The devil is within us; if we choose to unleash it, only will it take over. We're constantly at war with ourself because we are our own worst enemy. Every single thought is from our mind; the voices that we hear, the decision that we make.

Hence, it is important that we suppress our evil self and have faith in God. Personally, I think that jealousy, lust, desires for certain things, hatred and all negative feelings and thoughts are what create the evil twin. They don't only hurt others, they destroy ourself. For example, being angry at someone requires a huge amount of energy. So why waste your energy on hating someone when you could conserve it for better use? For us to do that, we have to learn how to forgive. It is hard, I don't deny that but we can learn. It's not necessary that one has to forget, but it's always the best option to forgive.

I'm not perfect myself; I have flaws and yes I have anger, jealousy and sometimes lust as well. But I'm willing to control all these negative energy just so I'm able to lock my inner monster.

Till Love Finds Me

What are we without love?

There are so many things in this world that we do not understand and probably never will. Will we ever find the one that was made for us for God had made us in pairs? How long does it take? This reminds me of a book I read entitled 'Where Rainbows End'. Both the man and the woman in the story were meant to be with each other but they only got together when they were aged 50+.

See, love is a strange thing. When you're with someone, you have to know when to let loose your string and when to hold it tight. When it's there, you'll feel it. Sometimes, you may think its fooling with you because your heart gets shattered again and again. But somehow, love will one day manage to mend your broken heart.

I'm still waiting for mine. Till then, my heart will always be sealed in this…ice barrier. Maybe one day, he'll be mine. Just some day…