Bad Omens.

I have no idea why I'm not excited for tomorrow night. I mean, I am excited but just not as much. I have bad feelings though. As though something bad is bound to happen, I hope not.

But something terrible did happen today. A tiny tornado, as what my neighbors said passed by our neighborhood and destroyed some of our roof tiles. They were blown away and I swear it was the scariest moment so far in my life. I thought it was just a strong wind but no! It lasted for few minutes and then we heard sounds like glass breaking and goodness, I thought we're gone. I'm not gonna lie, I was really scared.

Sigh. I really don't feel good with all the things that had happened for the past months. I'm worried, for my mom and sisters. The neighborhood ain't that safe and recently there are two suspicious Malay guys spying around here. I really really really don't feel good. Oh God, I don't want anything to happen. I don't know if its just me being paranoid or my sixth sense is telling me something. I need to stay calm.

Abandoned

I'm pissed. Not exactly very angry, more like hurt. I feel 'abandoned'. The two people who once told me that they'd be there for me no matter what, are currently very 'busy' it seems.

My weakness; trusting one so easily. He has never, not replied my texts. Okay I get it that they both have a girlfriend but I still can't help it. You have time for your girlfriend but not your friend?

I think I sounded like a very pampered girl. Probably. Because the both of them are like my elder brothers. They'd listen to me whine about stuffs and my relationships. They're like my love doctors. And now the both of them disappeared somewhere!
SIGH!

Fantasy & Reality

Salve! (: It means 'Hi' in Italian.
Recently, I've read a book in Wattpad entitled 'The Italian Billionaire's Lover' which caught me in a fantasy.
Admit it, who wouldn't want a man who is rich, good looking, kind hearted, family loving, smart and so on ? Every girl dreams of having a man like that, so do I. But fantasy stays unreal, whereas reality is the truth. Yes, the story got me hyped up about Italian language because I find it beautiful! Learning a new language does one no harm, si? (:

Anyway, December has been pretty good so far. The days are of course tiring with undang classes and spending time with friends. My wish of 'hibernating' after SPM can never be fulfilled. We went on roaming the streets of Ipoh Old Town on Sunday. The sun was blazing although it was only 10+ in the morning. However, we got some pretty amazing photos and yea, some quality time together. I'd do it all over again.

It's pretty funny sometimes how we seek closure even to a person whom we just met and know, just because he's the only person there you know. Maybe it's just our nature to do so (:

Arrivederci!

Thankful, blessed.

Hello blog.

SPM is officially over and I'm no longer a high school student. I'm now considered as an ex-MGS student and I swear I miss school, at this very moment. On the last day of exam, the very last paper and the very last few minutes, it was like a……sudden flashback. Every single moment spent in Trinity Hall just came rushing back.

We've had our first day in Form One in there, our PMR, Hari Anugerah, Mrs Lee's farewell, IU days and so on and we ended my school days in the same hall. Wow. I've had amazing years in that amazing school with some amazing people. Amazing memories were created during amazing moments. Amazing, huh?

Now that I'm no longer a high school student, I guess I need to start worrying about college/poly? Frankly speaking, I'm a teensy bit not prepared for the world. My grandpa keeps on saying that the family's future depends on ME. Okay, now imagine the pressure I'm facing.

On the bright side, things with dad are getting better. He called me twice in less than a week's time. I'm happy (: Honestly, I'm blessed to even have a family. Think of those who dream of having one, but still they're alone. So, thank You God.

Count your blessings, not what you lack of.

Colour it with Colours

Odd things happen at times when we least expected. It may be bad, but it all depends on how we see it. You may be stranded somewhere and someone may take you in. Or you may think that your chances are gone, but then they'd find their way back to you.

Things happen for a reason. These words sound legit don't they? Let's put it this way; things don't happen for no reasons. They're part of God's plans for everyone. Life cannot only be full of fortunate things or exciting adventures. There must be some misfortunes or unexpected events to color up your life. Just like how there are different shades of grey and black in colours. All these are God's challenges for us.

I'll never forget what an old friend of mine said, "If everyone in this world is happy, then it would be dull…"

Sick

Hi my e-diary. I'm feeling rather sad today because I'm down with a high fever and throat infection. It happened all of the sudden last night.

So, I didn't even study. Just slacking the whole day. And a.maths is on the 20th. I'm SCARED! 

My throat is being irritating and I haven't been eating. Not a proper meal. I must get better!

Unforgivable mistakes

"When you try your best but you don't succeed…"

Exactly how I feel for the whole day. Even now. Why? Because I've made unforgivable mistakes in my M. Maths paper 1.
Unforgivable! I cannot forgive myself, neither am I going to forgive myself for committing such mistakes.  If it costs me to lose my A+, I'll cry like fuck. I already shed tears.

Upcoming subjects are hardcore. So I'm gon' go hardcore too. Dear health, please stick with me thru this!

History history

Hello Blog. Twitter is being mean to me by saving my tweets as drafts. Why???

I think I screwed my History paper, both papers. None of the spotted questions came out, NONE, I tell you. D:

Okay forget about that. Bible Knowledge was kinda like sejarah as well. Ahh. Dear God please let me have an A-.

M. Maths tomorrow and I'm feeling fine. Yea, fine (: I guess it'll be fine to practice guitar for a while? (:

Sejarah is becoming History

Can I say…


FUCK sejarah?

7/11/2012 marks the last day of ME, sitting for SEJARAH paper. Yes, after that, no more sejarah. Yayyers!

Love

Sapphire felt the desperate need of oxygen in her lungs. Her vision was blurred by the angry waves. However, she was in a calm state because it was a choice that she chose. She knew it was wrong, but the pain was too much to handle.

The sun shone over the endless ocean and the reflection of light that hits the surface of the water cast a light green color on it. Sapphire sat on the heated sand. The wind was blowing gently and she scooped a handful of sand and then let it be carried away by the wind.

The brownish smooth sand reminded Sapphire of how she and her loved one wrote their names on the sand. He would bring her to the seaside and they would scribble on the sand. When the waves washed away those words, Seth would tell her that they'll remain forever in his heart, including her name.

Dark clouds started hovering the sun and the gentle breeze turned into a gush of strong wind. The sound of the waves hitting the bay was intimidating. People started packing and going off the shore. But Sapphire remained sitting in her white maxi dress. She was not influenced by the weather as she was bog up in her own emotions and thinking.

Why did Seth do such thing to her? Why did he cheat on her? She was furious, hurt and above all, hopeless. His name that she wrote she cut it off with a piece of stick in anger. She loved him, with all her heart, but what she got in return was betrayal.

Sapphire stood up and started advancing towards the bay. Fierce waves splashed the rocks in a merciless way. Darkness covered the sky and Sapphire's heart. The wind started to howl signaling a torrential downpour which was about to occur.

Sapphire wasn't going to back down. She loved Seth more than her life. The pain she felt were as if pieces of shrapnel stuck to her heart. What was better than to end it this way?

Seth reached just a little too late. He shouted her name but the wind was too loud. All he could see was Sapphire, in her beautifully flowing maxi dress and her long locks of dark shiny hair, walking off the edge of the rocks in a way that was almost too painful to watch. He was a minute late. Sapphire was gone. The sky started to cry, as if it felt her pain.

Seth had no one to blame, but himself. It was his own fault that Sapphire chose to end her pain. But after all, Seth loved her, he really did. He wished for nothing more than to be reunited with her.

True Love

"I'm sorry, Brendan. I didn't mean to. Brendan I'm sorry. I love you, I've always loved you, please Brendan." Her eyes were filled with glistening tears.

Love is a strange thing. When you go after it, you might not get it. When it is here, you don't realize it. Amber lost her chance to really love the person she could be with. Her ego and ignorance led to her loss three years ago.

The sun shone over the quiet suburbs. Brendan sauntered about in his room-glum and disheartened. The room was in a mess. Fashion magazines carpeted the dirty floor and bottles of perform adorned the corner where the dressing table stood. The bouquet of honey suckle and roses laid decaying on the floor. All those were meant for her - the girl he loved.

He remembered the first time he saw her. She stood out of the rest. Her beautiful greenish blue eyes and wavy-blonde hair, almost golden added to the charm of her stunning figure. He loved her, not only for her outer beauty but also her inner self. Yes, it was love at first sight for him.

Soon, the clouds covered the searing sun and a gentle breeze started to blow, in which the pollen fluttered like butterflies in a flower garden. But Brendan was not much influenced by the weather, for he was caught up in the bog of his own thoughts and feelings. He lay down on the couch, while his mind kept thinking of the girl he loved, Amber.

He lay down on the couch, with his eyes wide opened, staring at the ceiling fan spinning in a deliberately slow motion. He looked pretty down-at-heel in the shabby clothes he wore. His hair was all messed up, and his face look as if it was unshaved for a long time. The wind seemed to get stronger and faster by the minute and so did his abnormal and concerning behavior. He gazed in the empty space senselessly, thinking of her.

A thin layer of perspiration covered his face and he ambled all over the room, kicking all that came his way. Why did she not respond to him? Did she not feel his passion, his ardor for her?

He was angry, mad at himself for not being able to express his feelings towards her. Soon the darkness covered the sun and his heart. He was fed up with this life of deprivation, so he took a bold step - he swallowed a bottle of rat poison. It was a choice that he took to put an end the agony he was going through and the pain that he felt in his heart, like pieces of shrapnel stuck in it.

Amber never responded to him. Maybe she never felt what was in his heart. But the poor soul loved her more than his life. Her ignorance led him to his doom. That morning, they had a dialogue. He had dared to say what was in his heart, but in reciprocation, he received insults. She embarrassed him in front of the whole class.

It was all gloomy then, both inside and outside. Dark clouds covered the sky and the winds slapped sand on the dirty windows that banged. It was really dark then. The poison had taken over him. He felt weak and feeble. A knock at the door was heard above the howling wind. Amber stood in front of him.

That was when those words came from Amber's mouth, the words of truth. She advanced towards him, but before she could take another step further, he fell. His body was lifeless, motionless. Tears started pouring from Amber's eyes down to Brendan's pale skin. She clasped her true love and wept. Her bashfulness had cost her too much. It was all, but her own fault.

Fun Times

2nd November 2012 marks the end of our high school days. It was the very last day for the fifth formers and yes, I'm not excluded. Last Friday, our school held a farewell celebration for both of our very honored, experienced and well-loved teachers; Ms Chong and Cik Arbaiah.

Ms Chong has been the best chemistry teacher I've had, even with her nagging and some times, insults. Without those, we would never be able to succeed. Without those, we won't have this fire in us to score. So thank you, Ms Chong, for your wonderful teaching and time, wise words and knowledge that you've poured. Thank you for being there for us, all the time. You're like a candle that burns itself to bring light to our future. You'll be remembered. Have fun traveling! (:

As for Cik Arbaiah, I don't really know her as she has not taught me in any subjects. But I wish her all the best in her future (:

As for US, we spent the whole day outside class snapping photos of our lovely, big and historic school, and of course, ourselves. What's the best way to capture memories other than using a camera, right? It was fun. Discipline mistress wasn't in school so we prefects had our own fun time, if you know what I meant. :3

After all, it was our last day! Break all the rules that we can! (: I'm definitely gonna miss all the times that we had.  But like what our lovely Ms Chong said, missing something or someone doesn't mean we have to be sad. We can still smile and do it at the same time. 

I LOVE YOU ALL!

One last chance

One of the things that shouldn't exist in a relationship is doubt. Doubts about your feeling towards your partner, or vice versa. Doubts if he's cheating on you. Doubts if he cares. All these, brings down a relationship.

Unfortunately, 'doubts' paid me a visit. I doubt if I still love him. The sparks that was once there now is gone. When it comes to this point of the relationship, I've no idea what to do. Maybe it's just a phase, or maybe I'm just stressed out. The one question I've been constantly asking,
"Is he really the one I want or need?"

Voices in my head are messing me up. One more chance, just one more chance they tell me.

Is this chance worth it?

Doubts

World drifts apart, so do we. And yes, we are drifting apart. It's me, its not you.
They say, love's like a pail of hot water. As time goes by, it turns cold. Maybe my love for you has lost it's fire. The fire that once burn with a fiery red flame now is on the edge of being put out.

I never did question my decision in the first place. Maybe I should have. I was selfish because I didn't want to throw the chance away and I did love you. I'm not sure if I still do. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe. All those maybes. Will they give me an answer?

I realized that I want someone different. I want someone who acts older and much mature than I do. I want to be the one who is treated like a child instead of the one being the 'adult'. I want to be patted on the head, and not pat someone's head. I need to feel secured, loved, pampered .

Question is, did I make the WRONG choice?

Mr Doubt visited me. He questioned my decisions, questioned my feelings. I have no answers. And I'm lost…

Change

Have you ever thought of doing something that could change the world? You don't have to do something big. A small action is sometimes able to change many lives.

For example, if you see someone who is in need, you could do something for that person. Don't expect for anything in return. And sometimes, the other person won't even say thank you. Instead, tell him/her to do the same to others some day.

To be honest, I wish I could do more while I was holding the Community Director post. It's good to know that what you did leave impacts on other people.

While we were visiting the handicapped children home, there was this girl there who was suffering from a kind of disease that causes muscles dysfunction. She's 17, the same age as us fifth formers. Because of this disease, she could not talk, she could not eat ANY solid food, she could not walk and her size was that of a 3 or 4 years old child. Her name is Mun Mun and she has been like this for her whole 17 years of life. What's worse is, she was placed in a home. Any home but not one where her family members are near.

Our hearts sank to the bottom when we knew about her. Her everyday-food is just milk. Sometimes, she can't even drink. When I was holding her tiny hand, I wished so much that I could do something to help her. She caught us in tears.

The feedbacks on the visit were positive. But it's not the feedbacks I want, it's the result of the visit on people's life. They are the unfortunate ones. They were born with disabilities but they live on and some even with wide smiles. So why can't we, the fortunate ones live life without complaints? Why can't we have the determination and resilience and courage? Why are we not satisfied with the things we have?

We have the chance to have education. We are able to consume solid and good food. We can talk, walk, read, dance and many more. All I'm saying is that we have to be thankful with the things we have. And thank God for the life that He gave.

I don't deny that I am not satisfied sometimes, but I'm trying my best to change. So can you.

Farewell

High school will definitely be one of the biggest and most important part, or memory in life. On the first day of secondary one, we were all hyped up and waited anxiously in the Trinity Hall. Throughout the years, we did things we'd never imagined doing. Friends drifted apart, exam results sucked, breaking the rules like nobody's business.

But those are the highlights of our schooling years, besides achieving excellent results. And I'm sure, on the last day of school, we'll be feeling the same as the first day. Heck, we're ending it in the place we first started, MGS Trinity Hall. The difference is, we've left our footprints in the school. We've held posts that changed the school's clubs and societies. We've joined sports and represented our school and made everyone proud. And most of all, we've gained experiences from our mistakes. I dare say that I WILL miss school.

The Interact Club had a farewell and installation today. We, as the old board of 2011/2012 handed over and are officially retired. (: The new board of 2012/2013 was installed.
I was an interact member since secondary two. And last year, I was assigned the post Community Director. At first, I didn't cope well because as the director, you have to come up with ideas like where to or how to carry out community projects.

Sum it all up, the work is hard! But I loved my job. And I'm starting to miss it already. All these years have been good. Negative things changed me and I'm glad.

"Once an interactor, always an interactor"

Never Back Down

Everybody wears masks. Some for good intentions, some for bad. Most of them, for both.
Sometimes we have no idea how to deal with certain situations, or certain people. So what do we do? We either walk away, or put on a mask. We face it with our fake self. Some people we don't like, but simply because they're friends with your friends, or relatives of your family, we act fine. Less drama, less problems.

In the same way, certain people might have the same thinking towards us. As the Malay saying goes, 'hati manusia sukar diselami'. We may never know what a person thinks. It's a cruel world. Reality is never sweet. Life is fair, humans aren't.

Life is never bad, only we make it bad. 36 days left, still counting.
What if I screw this up? No, I can't. My dreams will be shattered if I do. I've come so far, travelled a long distance, went through rocky paths and uphill battles. I ain't giving up. If I have to give up everything, I will.

Nothing can defeat me. God's always with me.

Wish

The feeling of being blamed
For the things you didn't do
For the things that aren't your fault
You wish it wouldn't be this way too
But what does wishing do
More than keeping you away from reality
But then all those in your dreams
Are just fantasy

I was mad, so mad
I was hurt, because of her words
Because she sees it that way
Because she blames me for the things I didn't do
I didn't ask for all these
Neither did I want these
But what can I do, theres nothing I can do

Tears followed after the anger
Then a voice in my head told me
It told me not to cry
Stiffen up that upper lip, and hold my head high
It told me to be strong
Because I'd be gone, after not long

I gazed at the rain drops
I wondered what would it be like
Living alone
Maybe it'd be better, maybe not
I guess I've lost my rational thoughts

Hold On

When everyone around you is busy with their life
When everything goes by in the speed of light
Living life in the fast lane
Rushing to anywhere everyday

Have you, have you tried to slow down?
And enjoy this one life we have
Have you, have you tried to relax?
Because it's one of the things we need
Have you ever tried to move to the next lane?
Where everything goes by slower, even just a bit

When the sky decides to cry
What would you do? What would you do?
Look out your window, and wait for the rainbow
For after the rain, the sun shines
And a curved of seven colors is formed

So why in life, must you give up?
When there is hope still left
When there is love that remains
Why, why must you give up?
Even with the last bit of hope,
Even with the last drop of love,
Hold on, for these last bits and drops
May change your life…

We The Kings

                                                          -Travis Clark, We The Kings-
                                      Live in KL, 30th May 2012 at Stadium Bukit Jalil, Carpark F
                                                       Together with We Are The In Crowd

The flashing of the lights on stage, the music being played out loud. The drummer playing his drum, feeling every beat vibrating throughout your body. The guitarist with his awesome guitar and last but not least, the vocalist, singing his heart out, together with the audiences.
Now I get why people cry when they see their favorite singer/band on stage; I've experienced that two days ago. Seeing Travis Clark on stage, was beyond awesomeness. When he sang She Takes Me High, well, HE took us high. Everyone was jumping with their hands up high, shouting "TRAVIS I LOVE YOU". I did too. Not many know them, We The Kings, but they sure are awesome.

The highlight for the past three days' journey wasn't even the concert. For me, it was the experiences we had; chasing the commuter, chasing public bus, getting on the wrong platform, running up and down the stairs with our luggage and so on.
I think, we've learnt more than we ever could. The things we planned didn't go the way we wanted 'em to. Unfortunate things happened which made us all really upset. But, this is life. Nobody knows what will happen next even if we are careful enough. What's fated to happen, will happen.
This, is an experience worth remembering. Bittersweet moments. They were saying if next time we have kids, we'd tell them what we did and what happen. Hahaha.
I swear we're some real lucky bitches.The kind taxi driver allowed the SIX of us in one taxi because we were running out of time and if the train back to Ipoh didn't get delay, we won't be home so early. Rushing like some marathon runners, eyes were watching us, running with our luggage. Practically 'SHOWERING' in the commuter from Bandar Tasik Selatan to KL Sentral. But above everything else, thank God we're safe. And without the guys, mostly Ian, I THINK we'd be in more trouble.
An awesome experience. (;

AND AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THE MOMENT WHEN TRAVIS CLARK STEPPED ON STAGE.