So, to start off with this post, I'd like to say that I'm more of an introvert. I prefer reading books over partying, that's of course if I'm going to a party with close friends. Yes, I hate being alone as a matter of fact. When I'm alone in public, I need to have something to do. I sometimes feel awkward around people that I do not know - strangers. Lets just say, I feel insecure, especially around older guys. Maybe that's the reason why I don't flash a smile to strangers(guys) and try to make myself look inapproachable. Please note that I don't do this to every guy, just SOME, if not MOST. And, I also try my best to avoid having any physical contact with 'strangers' or guys I barely know, even in a cramped bus. You may say I have issues with guys but can't blame my insecurities.
Apart from those, I prefer to be in a small group of close friends than being in a large group, where again I sometimes feel uncomfortable. I like to be known, but not famous. Call me complicated, I don't mind because I think that's what I am. Hmmm...introvert. I think the extrovert side actually lives in me but I'm just more to the introvert side. Its very very weird. isn't it?
I'm also actually a 'physical' person; I like to exercise and play some sports ONLY if I have companies. Yea, I'd prefer to have someone to jog with me rather than to jog alone, even if I have my iPod with me. It motivates me even more and its good to have some companies to keep you entertain. On the other hand, I can also sit facing my laptop for the whole day, mainly just gaming. I know its unhealthy, but I admit I'm a gamer myself and yes, I'm a girl. Girls don't only do makeup, well maybe girls like me and I definitely would choose gaming over makeup. Don't get me wrong, my girly and feminine side are still in me but it it doesn't mean that I can't have that boyish side.
If you were to ask me what interests me the most, I'd tell you that 'THINKING' actually interests me the most. You must be thinking that I'm crazy because 'thinking' requires quite an amount of energy and it drains our brain juices. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I love to read; some books just can pull me into this deep thinking, which I like. In example, the current book I'm reading, Fifty Shades of Grey actually makes me put on my thinking cap. Please don't think that I'm those pervertish type (if such word exists) just because I'm reading it. I personally think its an interesting book and it surprised me that the story actually goes like that; Grey being the Dominant and Steele being the Submissive. I've never thought it'd turned out to be like this, that's why it interests me and pulls me into finishing the book. As I've mentioned earlier, this book makes me think of how someone can actually turn into a person like Christian Grey. If you see it through some psychology theories, it may be due to his childhood experience that has moulded him into the person he is now. If I were to go through his experiences, would I end up being like him? And are there any ways that can erase the person that he is now? One more thing, how can one get aroused by feeling pain? To me, pain is pain and I do not like the feeling of pain. I will NEVER understand people who gets pleasure out of pain. To me, they're SADISTS.
Okay, from me to the issue of Christian Grey; seems a little bit out of topic. I guess that's all (:
'....my emotions and feelings are what I do not trust the most because sometimes, they sell me out...'
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