When you fall, what would you do?

Human tends to give up when we're faced with obstacles, failures or challenges in anything we do. We tend to want to run away from every problem that we're facing because sometimes, we just feel so tired trying to accept things and solve problems.

Exactly how I'm feeling right now, if not most of the time.

I know when we fall, we have to get up, endure the pain and continue doing what we're doing BUT learning from the fall we had. Nobody is perfect, they say. Hence its okay for us to have mistakes once in a while in the things that we do. I don't want to use that as an excuse for the mistakes I've did because I know I can do better and now I have no one else to blame but myself. I cannot accept the fact of what I did and this will probably scar me for the rest of my life. If you ask me if I could forgive myself, no. Never. I hate disappointing people who put so much hope on us, on me. I'm sorry.

A friend of mine told me that I'll just have to accept my fall and laugh at it instead of dwelling in tears. Maybe, just maybe if I change the perception of my thinking I could feel less worse? I have so much more to learn from him. I know I have to be tough and bear in mind that the road ahead of me is still very long and winding and there will be so much more obstacles and failures I will have to face. I know very very well that I have to learn from this mistake I made but my mind just seem to be opposing me in every positive way I'm thinking. It makes me feel so so so tired till I just want to give in to my negative thoughts; thoughts that say I'm unforgivable, I should give up and things are not meant for me, thoughts of how to end everything. . .

I'm afraid I'll lose my mind one day. . .but I know someone is always watching me and without His strength, I wouldn't be sitting here today. I know I still have so much more to learn and I have to endure the long road ahead of me, but I also know that He will be with me. No matter how many suicidal thoughts come into mind, I'll always remember that my life belongs to God and only God alone; only He can take away my life for He was the one who gave it to me. I know that He's only throwing all these challenges at me because I'm strong, and He's testing my strength and will to carry on. Thank you Lord for giving me chances to learn. I will hold my head up and recover from my fall.