Little things about me . . .

Hi. I figured its time I start putting my tweets into blog posts. I've already exceeded 44k tweets (:

So, to start off with this post, I'd like to say that I'm more of an introvert. I prefer reading books over partying, that's of course if I'm going to a party with close friends. Yes, I hate being alone as a matter of fact. When I'm alone in public, I need to have something to do. I sometimes feel awkward around people that I do not know - strangers. Lets just say, I feel insecure, especially around older guys. Maybe that's the reason why I don't flash a smile to strangers(guys) and try to make myself look inapproachable. Please note that I don't do this to every guy, just SOME, if not MOST. And, I also try my best to avoid having any physical contact with 'strangers' or guys I barely know, even in a cramped bus. You may say I have issues with guys but can't blame my insecurities.
Apart from those, I prefer to be in a small group of close friends than being in a large group, where again I sometimes feel uncomfortable. I like to be known, but not famous. Call me complicated, I don't mind because I think that's what I am. Hmmm...introvert. I think the extrovert side actually lives in me but I'm just more to the introvert side. Its very very weird. isn't it?

I'm also actually a 'physical' person; I like to exercise and play some sports ONLY if I have companies. Yea, I'd prefer to have someone to jog with me rather than to jog alone, even if I have my iPod with me. It motivates me even more and its good to have some companies to keep you entertain. On the other hand, I can also sit facing my laptop for the whole day, mainly just gaming. I know its unhealthy, but I admit I'm a gamer myself and yes, I'm a girl. Girls don't only do makeup, well maybe girls like me and I definitely would choose gaming over makeup. Don't get me wrong, my girly and feminine side are still in me but it it doesn't mean that I can't have that boyish side.

If you were to ask me what interests me the most, I'd tell you that 'THINKING' actually interests me the most. You must be thinking that I'm crazy because 'thinking' requires quite an amount of energy and it drains our brain juices. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I love to read; some books just can pull me into this deep thinking, which I like. In example, the current book I'm reading, Fifty Shades of Grey actually makes me put on my thinking cap. Please don't think that I'm those pervertish type (if such word exists) just because I'm reading it. I personally think its an interesting book and it surprised me that the story actually goes like that; Grey being the Dominant and Steele being the Submissive. I've never thought it'd turned out to be like this, that's why it interests me and pulls me into finishing the book. As I've mentioned earlier, this book makes me think of how someone can actually turn into a person like Christian Grey. If you see it through some psychology theories, it may be due to his childhood experience that has moulded him into the person he is now. If I were to go through his experiences, would I end up being like him? And are there any ways that can erase the person that he is now? One more thing, how can one get aroused by feeling pain? To me, pain is pain and I do not like the feeling of pain. I will NEVER understand people who gets pleasure out of pain. To me, they're SADISTS.

Okay, from me to the issue of Christian Grey; seems a little bit out of topic. I guess that's all (:

'....my emotions and feelings are what I do not trust the most because sometimes, they sell me out...'

What would you do?

I don't know how many times I've erased the words I typed, but I can't seem to channel my feelings through words right now.


When the voices in your head tell you to give up
Would you listen, or would you go on? 
When you feel so powerless and tired, 
What would you do? 
When there's no one around to hold you when you cry,
When everything you built decides to tumble upon you,
Can you stand on your ground and defend yourself? 

What would you do when your feelings decide to take the wrong turn? 
Do you fight for that someone whom your heart desires?
Or do you choose to ignore that growing feeling? 
Would you still fight for him when you know its wrong? 
Or would you stand back and love him secretly?

When laughter turns to sorrow
When smiles turn to tears
When the sun stops shining and rain pours
Remember that none are permanent
Sorrow will turn to joy
Someone will come along and wipe your tears away
And the rainbow appears after it rains 
Because that's just how life is. . . . .nothing stays the same

'I'm still ALIVE, and I'm learning. . . . .'

One of the things I've learned so far in Nursing is to always be mindful. She never fails to mention that every time during our lab lesson. Most of us are not mindful at all; we don't care about others, we only care for ourselves. When someone is in need of help, we don't have to wait for them to ask. We ask them, because some people they have problem asking for help. I was disappointed with myself because I lost that'mindful' thought for a moment. How could I? They taught us that in school, I did that in school but how could I have forgotten? As for now, I'll have to keep that in mind because I aim to be an excellent nurse and being mindful is definitely one of the biggest things that nurses should have.

Every skills class we learn different things; measuring BP, moving a patient from a bed to a wheelchair, feeding, transferring and so on. Trust me, these things are never easy to be done and they require skills and knowledge as well as common sense. So tell me, why is NURSING considered as a low-skilled job? We have so much to learn, so much to remember and nurses have to be great in multi-tasking. In a ward, we don't only care for one single patient, we care for the rest as well. Some people see nursing as a dirty job as well. Why? Because we have to clean patients' wastes and clean their body? If there are no nurses, who is going to take care of your elderly, your old folks? Are you going to wipe their butt or assist them when they need to go to the washroom? Are you going to feed them? It takes a whole lot courage to be a nurse and I've chosen my way. All I can ask for is the Lord's blessing for me to continue the course because this is what I really want.

As for today's skills lesson, one of us in the group had to be blindfolded and fed with food. I was the one who were blindfolded. Trust me, that feeling of seeing nothing but pitch black, is scary. Its as though you have lost trust in everything, everyone and you're much more vulnerable to your surroundings. I personally do not like the feeling of being blindfolded. This is how we learn how patients with disabilities feel. It is never easy for them when they cannot hear, cannot see or cannot talk. Hence, we have to build that TRUST between us and the patients and I believe its never an easy thing to do.

I'm not sure about the rest but this lesson actually made me realised even more of how lucky I am; I have no disabilities but I have flaws. All I'm saying is that, it teaches me more than how to be a good nurse. It shapes me as a human as well, it makes me realise that I should be thankful that I'm not the one on the hospital bed.

Life goes on. . .as long as we are alive, we should thank God because He gave us another day to live.

Its not too hard to say 'I Love You'

". . . mama, I love you."

The last three words from a 17-year-old teenage girl who had lost her Mom to two cold-hearted robbers. 

Like I've tweeted, its heart-wrenching to know that such tragedy could happen, anywhere anytime even as I'm blogging now, somewhere in this world someone is dying. As I was reading her blog post, yes, tears started streaming down my face. Who wouldn't? This isn't some drama or movie but it really did happen. To some of you, this is only one of the millions and billions of cases happened but have you ever thought of how those who have lost her feel? No, we will NEVER understand how they feel unless we went through the same thing. This is also one of the thing that I've learned in my Nursing course; we will never know how our patients feel because we don't go through diagnosis like they do. Its just the same here. 

At one point of her post where she stated how the robbers stabbed her Mom, I wondered how can anyone actually be this brutal? Can you grab a knife and simply go stab someone on the streets? Can you steal a gun and just shoot someone in the head? Can you abduct a child and chop him up then sell his organs? I mean, NORMAL humans like you and me wouldn't even want to use a needle to purposely prick someone, right? Then you must be thinking that those murderers are ABNORMAL. Well, maybe they are or they're not but one thing for sure, they have something in them that drives them to act brutally. Whatever it is, the lives of the innocence  that they've taken, they will pay for them one day. When they finally come to their senses, they will suffer because they KNOW that their hands are STAINED with their BLOOD. They can never erase what they did nor can they return the lives of those they killed and when their time is here, they will suffer in hell. Hence, there is no need to cuss and jinx these murderers because God has in hands of what consequences they're going to face. 

Appreciation

This girl lost her mom before she could even re-pay her for all the things her mom had done for her. Her mom will not be there when she graduates or gets married or even have children. Have you ever wondered if she's feeling guilty because she did not value her chances when she had them? Maybe she does, because most of us don't often APPRECIATE those around us and we should really start doing that before everything is too late. 

How often do you tell your parents that you love them? Do you kiss them goodnight and bid them good morning? Do you hug them when you're home from school? Have your meals with them, watch movies and go shopping with them? 

I admit I'm one of those who rarely do all of these. Now I know, because I'm away from home and I miss them so so so so so much. It feels weird to wake up everyday and not seeing my Mom's face or hearing her voice. This house I'm staying in, its not a home. What's a house without a complete family in it - just a HOUSE. Sometimes I have this urge to just grab a ticket and fly home and I've only been here for three weeks. I'm starting to learn how to appreciate things and those whom we love. Heck, I even miss watching football with my Dad and saying that MU is going to win. Yet I still have the chances to do all these when I'm home but those who had lost their loved ones, they don't get to do what they used to do anymore. Hence, keep all these little things in heart because these are what create a family. And our appreciation and love are what tighten the bond. Tell your parents you love them, EVERYDAY, every minute every second, if you can. Thank them, even for the tiniest thing they do for you. Hug them because their hugs are the warmest, filled with love and care. 

Its not too late to start doing all these. . . . .

Of chasing dreams and missing home

Words are never easy to be spoken. We often have so much in our mind, but do we express them verbally that often? I personally have difficulty expressing my feelings verbally because I'll either break down and cry or I couldn't find the right words. Hence, blogging is one of my ways of expressing.

Have you ever want something so much but when you're doing it, it's killing you slowly? I hate being away from home. I hate being away from the people I've always been together with. It makes me feel lonely and home sick and vulnerable. Then I started thinking, I should just stop creating close bonds with people because one day I might have to leave again and that feeling of being apart from someone close, it sucks. I never bid goodbye to any of them who are close to me when I left because goodbyes suck.

Now I'm alone out here, far away from my family and friends, it makes things so difficult sometimes. I miss my mom, my sisters, my cats. I miss eating my mom's food and even my own bedroom and shower. The truth is, I'm that kind of person who needs to stay close to home but I'm doing the exact opposite of it. Everyday I force positive thoughts into my mind; I'm here chasing my dreams, I'm gonna make life easier for my family, I'm gonna be fine and its just three years. I force myself to not think of how much I miss home, I'm not allowing a single tear drops and I'm trying to get rid of this loneliness in me.

Some of you may think, "Oh how great it is and how lucky you are to get an opportunity to study overseas" and "Imagine all the things you could do when you're away from home". Yes, it is indeed a great opportunity and yes you're free from those rules and stuffs but for me, I'd rather have my family here. It's a huge change in life for me after eighteen years of being home, sleeping in the same room living in the same house and my routines are totally different now. I don't get to watch any more TVB dramas here, I don't get to eat home-cooked food. Heck, I don't even get to have breakfast. And, I miss my cats so badly I just wanna hug them.

It's just the first week and I'm already in this state. God please give me strength to go through all of these. Please guide me through. I can't do this on my own. I don't have that strength to get past all these alone.


Being away from home is never a pleasant thing. . . . . .