What would you do if you could buy all the time that you've wasted in the part? Would you choose to relive all your memories ? And what if one day you wake up and your life is just a dream?
I'd be like "woah, so this is what's going to happen to me!". Haha.
How'd you know when you're going to die? How'd you know how many years, or even seconds that you're going to live? Unpredictable things, they suck. It scares me to think that I'm stepping into adulthood now and I've to learn to do so many things. And think of it, how many more years do I have? Will I grow old without someone to love me? Will I be alone or will I get married and then get divorced? Stupid, I know.
My mind works a lot. It is constantly thinking and thinking and thinking; sometimes irrelevant and stupid stuffs and sometimes I just let it wander off to fantasy land. Better than a blank mind (:
Honestly, my mind is really blank now. I can't put my thoughts into words. At the moment, they're like jigsaw puzzles all jumbled up. Hahahaha. Well, wait till I sort 'em out then…
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Give, and you shall receive (:
..."money cannot buy happiness..."
That phrase looks familiar, doesn't it? I use to agree with that phrase and think that money is not everything and money definitely cannot buy happiness. But a bulb just ignited in my mind few minutes ago; money CAN indeed buy happiness! Think of it this way, if you are really rich and have so much money, you use your money to provide for the poor and needy or you donate it, it still makes you happy! Hence, money can really buy happiness.
Well, it is not necessary for you to be rich to be able to provide for the poor. You don't have to donate a million dollars. Just cook something, bring it to an old folks' home or children home and spend some time there. Trust me, it will make you happier as a person and makes your life much more worth living. Even if you have only so much to give, give all that you can because what you will receive means much more than what you have now.
Lets rewind to two weeks back; I was in the MRT on the way back from Jurong East and normally, youngsters/young adults would not give up their seats for the elderly and pregnant women. But, I realised there are still considerate and kind people around. More to that, the persons who gave up their seats were guys. Even though both of them were not really good looking, I was attracted to their kindness. Not only once did they give up their seat, but a few times and I literally smiled at them. Oh mind me, they're just the real gentlemen to me. They did not expect the girls to give up their seats as well. Honestly, its very hard to find kind souls nowadays. Everybody is waiting for somebody else to do something when in the end, EVERYBODY will just stare and do nothing. Does it hurt to make the first move in helping someone? Will it take away a part of your body or will you lose something? I don't think so.
Help whenever you can, do a good deed everyday. Its nothing too difficult to do. You just have to give up your seat, give way to others or just saying 'thank you' is good enough.
" Give to others, and God will give to you. Indeed, you will receive a full measure, a generous helping, poured into your hands—all that you can hold. The measure you use for others is the one that God will use for you.” Luke 6:38
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Goodbyes are only temporary
June 19 10:52am, Wednesday
Hi, here I am again with a post 'on-the-go'. This time it's different; I'm leaving home, leaving ipoh and heading back to Singapore. I hate goodbyes, never good at it and I'll probably would not improve. Others might think I'm a little 'cold-hearted' or so because I avoid all the huggings and kissing before parting. Well, it's because all these make me miss home and the people here even more and believe me when I say you do not want to cry in public. It's a very relevant reason, no? I prefer to stay strong, even if its just on the surface. Parting is not for forever, unless its death but even so, the person who passed away will be kept dearly in our heart. Goodbyes are only temporary. One can only pray for the best.
Maybe this is why some people prefer to be unattached and they even refuse to be close to family members. Parting is painful especially when you have to leave alone and be by yourself. When someone very close to you dies, how would you feel? The effect may vary for everyone but for me, I don't know how I will handle it. The emptiness will be there and the longing as well. This is why I prefer not to get too attached to others. In other ways, they wouldn't feel so painful when I'm gone someday.
Crapping, ain't I? But I believe some people do think the same. Now that I'm sitting here waiting for my flight, I realize that sometimes you got to sacrifice one thing for another. Soon I will have my own life and I'll have to leave everything behind. Who would've thought that letting go would be this difficult?
Till then…goodbye.
'Do not let evil defeat you, do not let darkness surrounds your heart. Fight away the loneliness, remember our Father above. For he's always watching us, wherever we go…"
Hi, here I am again with a post 'on-the-go'. This time it's different; I'm leaving home, leaving ipoh and heading back to Singapore. I hate goodbyes, never good at it and I'll probably would not improve. Others might think I'm a little 'cold-hearted' or so because I avoid all the huggings and kissing before parting. Well, it's because all these make me miss home and the people here even more and believe me when I say you do not want to cry in public. It's a very relevant reason, no? I prefer to stay strong, even if its just on the surface. Parting is not for forever, unless its death but even so, the person who passed away will be kept dearly in our heart. Goodbyes are only temporary. One can only pray for the best.
Maybe this is why some people prefer to be unattached and they even refuse to be close to family members. Parting is painful especially when you have to leave alone and be by yourself. When someone very close to you dies, how would you feel? The effect may vary for everyone but for me, I don't know how I will handle it. The emptiness will be there and the longing as well. This is why I prefer not to get too attached to others. In other ways, they wouldn't feel so painful when I'm gone someday.
Crapping, ain't I? But I believe some people do think the same. Now that I'm sitting here waiting for my flight, I realize that sometimes you got to sacrifice one thing for another. Soon I will have my own life and I'll have to leave everything behind. Who would've thought that letting go would be this difficult?
Till then…goodbye.
'Do not let evil defeat you, do not let darkness surrounds your heart. Fight away the loneliness, remember our Father above. For he's always watching us, wherever we go…"
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Something from this morning…
12/6/2013 8:04a.m Wednesday
I'm a person who loves to observe things and people. I like to do it without people noticing. It's nice and funny to sometimes see how they behave or react to certain situations. Some people say I'm a good observer. I'm not quite sure, maybe I am? I can roughly tell how a guy feel towards a girl just by his actions and most of the time, I'm right. Sometimes, I observe others without even knowing that I'm doing it. I'd like to know what they're thinking. Then sometimes, I see how people dress and in Singapore, it's not that hard to find some that amaze me, be it bad or good. When it comes to couples, it sometimes disgust me to see what they do in public. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think that all the tongue kissing and rubbing and caressing should be done somewhere private. Not for the sake of others but at least for the sake of children around? I personally wouldn't want my 5-year-old child witnessing a 'sex story' unfolding in front of him/her. Well, not that I have a child but its a fact. Children, they never fail to surprise and amaze me. It's nice to just look at them and see what they do. There was once I was in a hypermarket and these two young kids, siblings, probably around age 2-4; the younger brother is still considered as an infant. His mitten fell of his trolley and I picked it up for them. Children are normally shy but this kid and his sister, they actually waved at me after that. I melted at that exact moment. Children can be adorable and annoying at times. Nonetheless, I still love them. (:
Now, I've been thinking, I observe people so I'm guessing I'm being observed as well. Speaking about that, I wonder if I'm an 'eye candy' to anyone in school. Haha. Yes, eye candy is another term for crush. Oh trust me, I have one myself but I'm not revealing it. I can be very self-conscious sometimes especially when I know that I'm being observed; yes i feel it sometimes. I'm self-conscious about my own body and how I look and sometimes, how I act. I tend to act quite stupidly at times and I seriously do not have the 18-year-old-poly-student look. I think sometimes I still look like a 15 or 16 year old girl. Hmmmm…yay to that or nay? Because sometimes I wish I could pull off a sexy, like sexy sexy look and not adorable sexy or just adorable look. But like I've once told a friend, "You're not handsome but you're adorable", so I guess the same goes to me? Hahaha.
It's now 8:35a.m. and I think I should stop.
"Sometimes being alone allows you the time to think, to observe and to relax. Not every hour you have to be with someone…"
And yes, I am alone now, with strangers all around me.
I'm a person who loves to observe things and people. I like to do it without people noticing. It's nice and funny to sometimes see how they behave or react to certain situations. Some people say I'm a good observer. I'm not quite sure, maybe I am? I can roughly tell how a guy feel towards a girl just by his actions and most of the time, I'm right. Sometimes, I observe others without even knowing that I'm doing it. I'd like to know what they're thinking. Then sometimes, I see how people dress and in Singapore, it's not that hard to find some that amaze me, be it bad or good. When it comes to couples, it sometimes disgust me to see what they do in public. Call me old-fashioned, but I still think that all the tongue kissing and rubbing and caressing should be done somewhere private. Not for the sake of others but at least for the sake of children around? I personally wouldn't want my 5-year-old child witnessing a 'sex story' unfolding in front of him/her. Well, not that I have a child but its a fact. Children, they never fail to surprise and amaze me. It's nice to just look at them and see what they do. There was once I was in a hypermarket and these two young kids, siblings, probably around age 2-4; the younger brother is still considered as an infant. His mitten fell of his trolley and I picked it up for them. Children are normally shy but this kid and his sister, they actually waved at me after that. I melted at that exact moment. Children can be adorable and annoying at times. Nonetheless, I still love them. (:
Now, I've been thinking, I observe people so I'm guessing I'm being observed as well. Speaking about that, I wonder if I'm an 'eye candy' to anyone in school. Haha. Yes, eye candy is another term for crush. Oh trust me, I have one myself but I'm not revealing it. I can be very self-conscious sometimes especially when I know that I'm being observed; yes i feel it sometimes. I'm self-conscious about my own body and how I look and sometimes, how I act. I tend to act quite stupidly at times and I seriously do not have the 18-year-old-poly-student look. I think sometimes I still look like a 15 or 16 year old girl. Hmmmm…yay to that or nay? Because sometimes I wish I could pull off a sexy, like sexy sexy look and not adorable sexy or just adorable look. But like I've once told a friend, "You're not handsome but you're adorable", so I guess the same goes to me? Hahaha.
It's now 8:35a.m. and I think I should stop.
"Sometimes being alone allows you the time to think, to observe and to relax. Not every hour you have to be with someone…"
And yes, I am alone now, with strangers all around me.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Only Us
Something I did back in 2009 when I was...14 (:
It’s like I’m in a timeless dream
Surrounded by whitey mist
Seeing pale amber roses everywhere
Searching for your presence
Here and there
Where are you? Where are you?
I see your image in my head
I held my hand out to you
Failed to reach…
You faded away like the mist
Lying on the soft grass
Under the night sky filled with white shining stars
I see you, up above
Again, I tried to hold you
Again, you faded away like the clouds
I sit on the brownish sand
Hearing the sound of the gentle waves
Looking at the breath-taking sunset
I see you, in the orange sky
Yet, I could not hold you
I stand at the end of the street
Seeing distinct leaves fall
Feeling chill breeze sweeps through
I sit on an empty bench
Hoping for you to be there
I’m waiting for you…I’m waiting
Waiting for the day to be with you again
Up at the hills, under the clear blue sky
Beside the gentle ocean, at an empty street
No one else, but the both of us
Only us
It’s like I’m in a timeless dream
Surrounded by whitey mist
Seeing pale amber roses everywhere
Searching for your presence
Here and there
Where are you? Where are you?
I see your image in my head
I held my hand out to you
Failed to reach…
You faded away like the mist
Lying on the soft grass
Under the night sky filled with white shining stars
I see you, up above
Again, I tried to hold you
Again, you faded away like the clouds
I sit on the brownish sand
Hearing the sound of the gentle waves
Looking at the breath-taking sunset
I see you, in the orange sky
Yet, I could not hold you
I stand at the end of the street
Seeing distinct leaves fall
Feeling chill breeze sweeps through
I sit on an empty bench
Hoping for you to be there
I’m waiting for you…I’m waiting
Waiting for the day to be with you again
Up at the hills, under the clear blue sky
Beside the gentle ocean, at an empty street
No one else, but the both of us
Only us
Saturday, June 8, 2013
When it feels like I hate everything. . .
When it comes to choosing between home and work/study, what would be your decision?
I hate that I cried, why can't I be stronger? I hate myself for making mistakes. I hate that I can't be a person who can leave her work behind, even unsettled problems, and just go straight home. I hate that there's nobody here to listen. I hate that the one closest to me did not offer a solution instead making me feel worse. I hate everything right now. I hate myself for being so weak. Oh and, I hate passwords and pins as well.
Its a decision I have to make and I very well know what it is but I refuse to accept the decision made. But right now, it seems to be the best solution if I stay. Then I'll just rot here, or I could go back to campus every morning/evening and work the shit out of myself; exhaust myself, push myself so I don't feel anything else but the exhaustion. Yes, sounds like a good idea.
Way to go, Charlotte. I don't know if you're a strong girl, or you're just a stupid careless child. Bravo.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Unknown Me, Denying
....well, now known
I realised there are things about myself that I refuse to believe that they are there, that they exist and are part of me; my thoughts, my subconscious self. . . . .
Studying Psychology allows me to actually know myself better and in Psychology, under Personality we have the Id, Ego and Superego. . Id is the "pleasure self" where its sole purpose is to reduce tension, or to seek pleasure especially sexual pleasures, aggression and irrational impulses. On the other hand, the Superego is known as the "conscience self" where it represents the rights and wrongs of society. It is the Superego that allows us to see and know what is right and wrong but is often opposed by the Id self. Hence, I call them the Devil & Angel. (definitions taken from a Psych book)
Recently, my Id self and Superego self have been 'debating' quite often. Yes, those are the voices in our head. I know that these voices are all in me but I'm confused that whether am I talking to myself, or really, the voices are just there. This is one of the things I deny in myself; the unknown voices.
Then of course, I have my own thoughts which can go 'haywire' sometimes. And by 'haywire' I mean, they turn into ugly, bad and negative thoughts. For example, I dislike someone & that person crosses my line, my thoughts of her will turn all negative. I try and I'm still trying my best to resist and defy that because its really really bad. Its like, when I'm mad or is provoked, somebody else takes over my thoughts and sometimes, my actions and I'm trapped inside. Maybe that's my very own Devil, and I refuse to let it show its face. I also know that I can switch from one side to another really fast; I can be really nice & persuasive towards you and if you refuse to take my offer, that's the last you'll hear from me. Bad, isn't it?
And today, I've realised that maybe, just maybe I have this 'dominant' trait in me. No, not the Christian Grey dominant but the one in control, the leader. Although most of the time, given the opportunity to lead, I refused. I can lead, and I can make people listen but most of the time, I just doubt my own ability. I was taken by surprised that he's actually afraid or rather intimidated by me. Am I that scary? I mean, he's much bigger and taller than me and he could just take me there but from what I saw today, he seems to be intimidated by me. I don't know if its the aura around me or just the way I work. Truth is. . . .I don't want him to feel that way.
I'm just so so so confused with myself at this point...since when am I not confused by myself? I've so many things, thoughts and feelings in me that I just couldn't seem to sort them out. I've fears that are sometimes very irrelevant. If I could just bury them somewhere deep down....that'd be good.
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